Plan of Action!

Ok here are the plans to date:

16th July 2011 - Relay for Life - raising money for Cancer Research by running/jogging/walking for 20 hours (taking turns at an hour a time).  At the moment there are five of us so that means four hours each.

29th-31st July 2011 - Climbing Ben Nevis - raising money for Macmillan.  Macmillan were and are still a tremendous support to Stuart, my sister and the kids, and even offered advice and counselling to friends and their kids.  What a wonderful job the nurses do.  Clare, the nurse who has been supporting my sister Sarah, will turn up at her door at the drop of a hat, just so that she has someone to talk to.  Clare's support has been invaluable, and like everyone else these days, there are costs being cut, and they need money to improve cancer care and to continue doing the wonderful work they do.

18th September 2011 - Great North Run - should get confirmation of my place tomorrow with any luck.  Crikey I'd better get into practice!  Can't even run for a bus.  Again, this is to raise money for Macmillan

25th February - 4th March 2012 - 100km trek across the Sahara Desert for Macmillan!

Let's see how much I can raise.  For now though, it's Sunday lunch and then off to work.

Fact of the day:  Athletes wearing red are far more likely to win events than athletes wearing another colour.  Oh poo!  My Cancer Research t-shirt is pink and my Macmillan t-shirt is green.  Red shorts it is then.

How come

Just don't get it today.   Why such a fit and healthy young man who mattered to so many people can deteriorate and disappear so quickly?  So many people, myself included, just plod along, doing the same old thing, don't really achieve anything in life...

I just don't get it.

And that's all I've got to say today really.

Helplessness

Life has been on hold for a few weeks.

My wonderful, happy, funny, carefree, loving brother-in-law has died, aged 44, of lung cancer.  He didn't smoke.

Stuart Marshall was husband to my sister Sarah, father to Sophie and Ben, son of Iris and the late Jimmy, brother of Lee.  Friend to many.  Everyone loved him. 

I don't think I would ever meet a person who didn't like Stuart.  He loved to make people laugh, and yet knew when to be kind and serious.  Only a couple of weeks before he died he was at work, with children and teenagers who would throw things, punch, spit and swear.  Stu loved his work and took it all in his stride.  I never saw him at work but could imagine him laughing it off, until the child had to give in and laugh as well.

Stuart was a rugby player, one of the oldest to play for the first team, which they begged him to do each week, yet he preferred the fourth, where he could have a laugh with his mates.  He coached the kids' rugby, and was a great success at this too.  One parent told a story recently of how he had helped their son get his confidence back after some bullying.  No one else ever knew - Stu never bothered to tell anyone.

Stuart was the life and soul of the party.  When it was my turn to throw a dinner party, Stu provided the entertainment, having drank one too many, and he became a little liberal with his words.  We've never laughed so much as we did that night, listening to his inappropriate anecdotes.

No one knew how ill Stu was.  He had a bad cough for 3 months, and developed a breathing problem.  They ran tests.  He was diagnosed on Monday 31st January, and died in the early hours of Wednesday morning.  His heart couldn't cope with the lack of oxygen.

All Stu wanted in his life was his family, his friends, his rugby and good times.  He wasn't bothered about anything else.  Material things didn't matter.

My sister, niece and nephew have been so strong in the last few weeks.  What a fantastic family they were together.  They will continue to be.  I love them so much and wish I could do more for them.  But we are all helpless.  We can take food, be company, listen, and care.  But we can never be enough, Stu was a legend and a hero, and has left an enormous hole.

My life has changed dramatically in one fell swoop.  Never again will I waste time - it would be an insult to Stu.  He enjoyed life so much, and I'll have to make sure I do the same. 

Slightly calmer than yesterday...but not much.

Love my job at the minute.  Had quite a good day of getting those little odds and ends done, coupled with some idle gossip with colleagues.  Got a good plan for the next few days.

Rage

I've never in my life been a violent person, but...

I just really need to slam my fist into a wall, really hard, until I make a mark (and probably break my hand).  Either that or someone's face.

I am furious.

What on earth, ever, EVER possessed me to think I was doing the right thing by reuniting with my dodgy ex last year???

What conceivable happiness could ever have come from that relationship???

Fool.  Take my word for it people.  If there is EVER, EVER, the teeniest tiniest little iota of doubt in your mind...DON'T BLOODY DO IT.

And just when I think, Emma you stupid fool, he was a wrong'un, that'll teach you to listen to your head and not your heart...never mind eh, close that box and move on with your life, you've had a lucky escape by getting out when you did...

The ******* ******* gets back in touch.  To pee on me once again from a great height.

Enrolled on my writing course today!  I am so excited.  Should have done it years ago.  Got my first assignments:  why I want to write, in 300 words, and a description of a place or event, in 300-500 words.  I can't wait to get started, but apparently I'm not allowed until I have read modules 1-3 (when they arrive in the post).

What to write about?  Tynemouth market, or the Tyneside Cinema spring to mind.  The Angel of the North?  Might write a few and then pick the best one.  Or a favourite cafe or restaurant.  Ooh can't wait!

Well, I'm already several hours later for work than planned as a result, so I suppose I had better drag myself away.

Fact of the day:  On average, 100 people choke to death on ballpoint pens every year.  Yikes.

Highlight of my day today - I went to a place called Pierogi in town and had these for my lunch:

They're Eastern European stuffed dumplings.  Also called pierogi, the assistant who served me (who definitely deserves the employee of the month award for the amount of dumpling knowledge and advice he imparted) seemed surprised I hadn't heard of them.  Anyway, I must return on Burns' day, as the speciality of the day will be haggis, neaps and tatties flavour pierogi.
After the world's most boring managers' meeting (why say in five minutes what you can say in three hours...do these people not have other things to do?!!!)  off I went to a spinning class. 
And that about sums up Monday.  I'm currently snuggled up with my little Toby-tastic and a glass of the Sunday Times wine club's finest.  Yum.

Fact of the day:  Chinese dumplings are called "wontons".  The word "wonton", when literally translated, means "swallowing clouds".  Apparently.