Helplessness

Life has been on hold for a few weeks.

My wonderful, happy, funny, carefree, loving brother-in-law has died, aged 44, of lung cancer.  He didn't smoke.

Stuart Marshall was husband to my sister Sarah, father to Sophie and Ben, son of Iris and the late Jimmy, brother of Lee.  Friend to many.  Everyone loved him. 

I don't think I would ever meet a person who didn't like Stuart.  He loved to make people laugh, and yet knew when to be kind and serious.  Only a couple of weeks before he died he was at work, with children and teenagers who would throw things, punch, spit and swear.  Stu loved his work and took it all in his stride.  I never saw him at work but could imagine him laughing it off, until the child had to give in and laugh as well.

Stuart was a rugby player, one of the oldest to play for the first team, which they begged him to do each week, yet he preferred the fourth, where he could have a laugh with his mates.  He coached the kids' rugby, and was a great success at this too.  One parent told a story recently of how he had helped their son get his confidence back after some bullying.  No one else ever knew - Stu never bothered to tell anyone.

Stuart was the life and soul of the party.  When it was my turn to throw a dinner party, Stu provided the entertainment, having drank one too many, and he became a little liberal with his words.  We've never laughed so much as we did that night, listening to his inappropriate anecdotes.

No one knew how ill Stu was.  He had a bad cough for 3 months, and developed a breathing problem.  They ran tests.  He was diagnosed on Monday 31st January, and died in the early hours of Wednesday morning.  His heart couldn't cope with the lack of oxygen.

All Stu wanted in his life was his family, his friends, his rugby and good times.  He wasn't bothered about anything else.  Material things didn't matter.

My sister, niece and nephew have been so strong in the last few weeks.  What a fantastic family they were together.  They will continue to be.  I love them so much and wish I could do more for them.  But we are all helpless.  We can take food, be company, listen, and care.  But we can never be enough, Stu was a legend and a hero, and has left an enormous hole.

My life has changed dramatically in one fell swoop.  Never again will I waste time - it would be an insult to Stu.  He enjoyed life so much, and I'll have to make sure I do the same.